On March 16, I lost my oldest son, Casper, in an accident on the I-405 here in Bellevue, WA. Here’s the speech I had prepared to give at his memorial. On the day, I couldn’t.

19 years, 2 months and 16 days ago I became a parent. It was one of the best days of my life. The little boy’s name would be Casper. I watched him come into this world. I held him immediately when he did. I’ve held him many times since.

Casper was a sweet boy, and he was slowly turning into a great guy, a young man I would continue to be proud to call my son. Although, he made mistakes along the way, he always dealt with them in as a mature manner.

Having watched him growing up, having watched him taking care of his little brother, I was so looking forward to watching him making a life of his own, raise children of his own. I was looking forward to the day where his little brother, Jonas, would pack his things to spend the weekend at his big brother’s place. I was looking forward to seeing him help his little brother would do good things in this world.

I have many fond memories of my oldest son:

·         Having spent many hours on soggy and wind/swept soccer fields or dark and dingy high school gyms and basketball courts.

·         His first love, a sweet, black haired Turkish Girl (he was 6 or 7), and she was slightly older.

·         His first trip to the US, Disneyland.

·         Almost regretting bringing him, here and dumping him in Elementary School, Leaving him to deal with the whole thing alone.

·         Enjoying the moment when he finally become a BIG brother.

·         His first ride in his Uncle’s Red Corvette.

·         Giving him his first car, the white 2002 Ford Mustang.

5 days ago that same boy, who had now become a young man was removed from our lives. His last message to us was “Sorry ;-(

Over the past week, I have expected him to walk in our front door many, many times. Many times I have wanted to give him a earful over all the trouble he caused, but mostly I regret not having told him enough times how much I loved him. Today all I want is to hold and hug him again, but I can’t.

This is one pickle I couldn’t help him out of……..